Vlad Nazdrachev

My friend and I were standing at the bus stop and a tank came zooming by, and then armored cars and Ural trucks. What the hell?

Vlad Nazdrachev

Parents didn’t want to let me out of the house, but I snuck out. Went with the guys to the playground. We were sitting and playing cards and then there were explosions. We were being bombed with Grad missiles. The first thing I felt was the blast wave hitting me in the chest. A boom just before the sound started. All the birds flew off. Then there was a second blast right away. And a third. I ran home on autopilot. I sat in the cellar and stared at the wall. I had never heard anything louder than fireworks before. Mom found my first five gray hairs.

Vlad Nazdrachev

My parents have decided to leave. Dad was born in Donbass, but mother is from Sakhalin, so we are going to stay with relatives there. I have seen missiles flying and watched my city be decimated. I want to get away from this war as fast as we can.

Vlad Nazdrachev

We sold everything we could. Dad paid the way out with his chainsaw, but he kept the arc welder that was so valuable to him.

We have been at a refugee camp in Rostov Region for two days now. It’s hell. It’s located in the middle of an empty field and the nearest store is several kilometers away. People fight over hot water and humanitarian aid. It’s over 40 degrees C. We buy instant noodles, pour cold water on them and leave them in the sun.

Vlad Nazdrachev

We got on a train for Vladivostok. Five days in a train, and 18 hours by ship after that.

I have only a vague idea of what Sakhalin is like. I know it’s an island in the sea, the air is clear, and the cars have the steering wheel on the right.

Vlad Nazdrachev

When we got to Sakhalin and saw my aunt on the dock, we all let out a sigh of relief. We headed off to Gornozavodsk. I looked out the window and wondered where I had ended up. Even nature was unfamiliar here: giant burdocks and tumuli rolled past. When we got to Gornozavodsk, I was completely shocked. It was in ruins! I’m a big city guy, I’m not used to this.

Vlad Nazdrachev

Sakhalin is stuck in the ‘90s. People here live by the rules. The first week was the hardest. They look at you funny if you’re new, and talk about you if you draw attention to yourself. Good thing I have a cousin. He took me around to meet his friends.

There were lots of questions: how do they do things there? Why don’t you speak Ukrainian? I answer truthfully. We all speak Russian there. The only difference is we have a slight accent.

When they find out I am from Ukraine, everybody asks me the same thing. «Why didn’t you stay and fight? Why didn’t your father fight?» They may blame me for it, but what is there to fight for? What are we fighting for? My home has been destroyed. Looters have taken our house apart. There are just bare walls left, not even floors. They even took the doghouse.

Vlad Nazdrachev

My father is looking for work. We don’t intend to be freeloaders here. I am learning to operate bulldozers and excavators in technical school. It’s hard to find a job at a good mechanic’s shop, but heavy equipment is a whole new level. The first time I was behind the wheel of a bulldozer, I was stunned. Everything was mechanized, each track has its own controls. I learned by trying. If a lever moved us forward, it meant I was doing it right. If not, I tried again. Bulldozers are interesting, but I really love excavators. You can climb one of those tumuli at a 45-degree angle if you use the bucket to help you.

Vlad Nazdrachev

We received temporary residency permits. It’s like a temporary passport. But people are used to the standard Russian passport. If you don’t have that, too bad. They won’t take us on good jobs. I had an interview at Gazprom, but when they found out that I am not a citizen, they turned me down.

Vlad Nazdrachev

My father got me a part-time job at a construction site. They don’t ask for your papers there. Nothing’s in writing. We live in shipping container, six in each. There is a bunkbed made out of some old boards. We sleep three up and three down. I came home for the first time in a week just to shower. It took me that long to come up with the 55 rubles’ bus fare.

Vlad Nazdrachev

We worked for a month, and they cheated us out of our pay. They owed us almost 60,000 rubles each. After that, I was reluctant to work anywhere without papers.

Vlad Nazdrachev

I got a passport. It’s like being reborn!

Vlad Nazdrachev

I got an official job. Not what I was trained for — longshoreman.

It’s hard work, mooring ships, pulling ropes. I leave the house at 6:00 and get home late at night, exhausted. Sometimes I can’t even eat. I nearly died in a storm. A rope 12 centimeters thick broke while I was mooring a ship. I ducked but it knocked my hardhat off. If it struck my chest, it would have broken all my ribs. We work like plow horses, but there’s no choice.

Vlad Nazdrachev

Finally, I have enough to buy myself something, with something left for mom. I got Nike 90s, red with white soles. Chinese knockoffs for 2,300 rubles. They’re my dress shoe.

Vlad Nazdrachev

My father bought a used car. He’s an electrical engineer and is always making rounds. I go with him. I put bumper stickers on it. He tried to stop me at first, «Get that off my car!» Finally he gave up. Now the car is mine. It didn’t move for a long time though — no gas money. Now I can drive it.

Vlad Nazdrachev

I’ve gotten a second job teaching at the technical school half-time. The pay isn’t bad. We bought electronics, furniture, beds and a new washing machine on credit. Now we have to pay for them. Father can’t do it by himself.

Vlad Nazdrachev

Moving made me grow up. I had to get myself together and take responsibility for myself and my family. I even dress differently. I used to only wear tracksuits. Now I wear trousers, shirts and shoes. Everything the way it’s supposed to be. My contemporaries don’t think of anything beyond drinking and hanging out. I have a budget and am thinking about career advancement. I want Russia to be my home, but it isn’t. I can’t decide what I am. I’ve lived here for five years — like a Russian. But still, I am from Ukraine.

Vlad Nazdrachev

Almost half my pay goes to debts. I’m thinking I’ll tough it out for a year, then I’ll take out more credit — to buy a car. I want a Subaru or Toyota from the 2000s. It’ll be mine and mine alone. You have your own world inside your car. Everything the way you want it, and no one can see you behind the tinted windows. Tinted windows are a way of life. You can hide from your problems behind them. It rescues you from people.

Gornozavodsk is a ghetto. It’s dog eat dog. You have to be stronger, and strike first. Even with your words. Some guys are so dumb that they’re afraid to speak right. Swearing is a way of life for them. And when you get out of a car with tinted windows and speak to them normally, you’re on a different level from them.

No one knew me when we came here. No one talked to me, no one paid any attention to me. Now even the elders say hi to me on the street.

Vlad Nazdrachev

I always have something going on. I spent New Year’s on the road, and I will have to travel for work all year. I go to South Sakhalin every weekend. My girlfriend is studying there. We met online and things worked out for us. We’ve been dating for several months. I go see her often. Sometimes, if I don’t feel like sleeping, I go with the guys to Kholmsk or South Sakhalin just to go somewhere.

Vlad Nazdrachev

Now I’m working at the Port of Nevelsk unloading coal with a Multidocker. I was afraid to operate the big docker at first. Ten meters off the ground, I was afraid the cab would fall. I’ve worked for three months without a day off. The night shift at the port, three hours of sleep and off to the technical school.

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Vlad Nazdrachev

I am going to have advanced training on the mechanics of drilling rigs. In connection with repair. It pays well. Getting a car isn’t so important. The main thing is to make a place for myself so I’m not dependent on anybody.

I plan to visit my friend in Gorlovka, but I won’t live there. Things are good on Sakhalin. Young people have been changed by that war. I saw a guy from Donbass not long ago. He came to visit and went back again. You could see that he had killed people. His eyes were empty. They shined, they moved, but there was nothing in them — no soul, no warmth.