LEARNING THROUGH COMPARISON

Our passionate romance with the great and free America seems to be over. We are not in love anymore with this self-adoring nation. We are ready to say: «Let us stay good friends...»

LEARNING THROUGH COMPARISON

No more blind admiration, rather a sober scrutiny. Time to watch and compare. True, living standards are much higher in America, but we are surprised ourselves to discover that there are many other things we don't like. There are things which make us smile. We have learnt that not all Hollywood movies are good, and when we watch the brave good guy standing up and fighting for his cherished mother country, we remember our own old ideological mass production of the 1930s. We follow with an ironical eye the latest misfortunes of the American electoral system, realizing that ours is better.

We are growing up. As to the living standards, well, it is not the end of the day yet. Only the beginning. While at the other end of the planet, the sun sets in full accordance with the laws of Nature.

A few years ago, I came to clearly realize one very important thing about us. It happened to me in the Hermitage Museum, in Saint Petersburg. More specifically, in a small room with dark wooden panels on the walls, which used to serve as a library to the tsar. It was full of big bookshelves...

...You know, sometimes we have a theoretical vision of something, but we do not grasp the matter in practice. Quantum physics are a good example: the theory and mathematics are there, but it is all beyond practical imagination. I had the same problem. I knew, in theory, why everything was going wrong in Russia, I was aware that there was no proper legislation, and so on. But it is only in the Hermitage that I found a tangible piece of evidence.

All these bookshelves were full of huge books. Dozens of very big, very thick volumes with golden letters embossed on the covers. Their total weight must have been several hundred pounds. Enough reading for a lifetime. And yet it was all essential knowledge!

It was a full collection of laws of the Russian Empire. All existing laws: criminal, administrative, civil laws, law of the sea, apiculture laws, land usage laws, natural resources laws, and all the others. This collection was like a statement: all these laws are needed if the country is to function properly. Or rather were needed, since a modern nation needs a much more sophisticated legaislation. New technologies bring along new social structures, new crimes — like computer crime — and new types of activity like space flights, transportation of radioactive materials and so many others. They all need new regulations.

You know how new laws are passed. It all starts with a draft which is submitted to one of the committees of the lower chamber of Parliament. Then there is a first reading, followed by several other. Simultaneously, the draft is being torn to pieces by the press. If, nevertheless, the draft survives the ordeal and is approved, it goes to the upper chamber of Parliament, and after that it is sent to the President who may sign or veto it. If the draft is vetoed, the whole exercise starts all over again...

After new laws enter into force, as time goes by, their imperfections and contradictions with other existing laws become evident, one by one. Then, instead of working on new drafts, lawmakers have to find appropriate amendments. And so on, for many years to come. Yet new Russia is only nine years old and did not have enough time to pass full bookshelves of laws. It just managed a couple of kilos, maybe three. No wonder we live in a legislative wilderness. It is a logical development, and it would be ridiculous to claim, as some intellectuals do, that Russians are by nature stupid felons. They are in no way different from all other nations. It is just that for a while, modern capitalist Russia has to live with, and respect old soviet laws. And deal with communists in Parlament who delay in any way possible the adoption of new capitalist laws. Over the last nine years, everything has changed in Russia, except laws. Hence all the discordances and tensions. In this situation, any rough move would be disastrous. Up till now, we have been extremely lucky. Even better: we have a wonderful chance to save lots of time and to pass new laws without making all the mistakes made before us by the Americans. We can avoid having an awfully confusing tax system. We can manage without that peculiar mix of silliness and extreme childishness with which Americans sometimes operate their legislative and legal systems. This year, in a class action initiated by several ex-smokers with cancer, an American court sentenced several big tobacco manufacturers to bankruptcy by imposing impossible fines. Why? Were these companies to blame if smokers bought and smoked tobacco of their own free will? Or if smokers would or could not read the omnipresent warning saying that smoking is bad for your health? Smokers got what they were asking for, but, under American tradition, there has absolutely to be a bad guy to blame for it, so we witnessed another triumph of total irrationality where facts are overcome by emotions of a jury kick started by an eloquent lawyer.

Believe it or not, some recently passed Russian laws are much more fair and adequate than some of the American ones. To name but one: in US courts, even if the ruling is in favour of the plaintiff and the defendant is to repay all the dues, the plaintiff still loses money! Because he has to pay astronomical fees to his lawyers. In Russia, a guilty defendant always has to compensate all related expenses of the plaintiff, as against a maximum of 50% to 75% in the US.

Americans are so proud of their fair trials and political correctness, they don't even notice when they become absurd. A group of Russians with an American friend walk into a bar to have a drink. One of the Russians, a girl, who is 26, happens to look very young. Under American laws, you are not allowed to drink until you are 21. If even the most innocent beer is served to anyone under 21, penalty could range from a fine to a revoked license, even to a jail sentence in certain states. Therefore, to be on the safe side, the barman asks the Russian girl to show some ID. Nothing unusual up till now. The the absurd begins. Not to embarrass the girl, the barman asks all the others in the group to produce their IDs too, including the American friend who has grey hair and must have reached the age of 21 before World War II. This is normal practice in American bars: should anyone in a group of customers look too young, proof of age is asked from everyone. All Russians, used to always carry their passports for just in case, produce their IDs. But the old American does not have one. So the barman serves beers to everyone except to the American. His logic being that should he serve a drink to the old man too, everybody will understand that his request for IDs from everyone was a simple formality. Never mind that everyone knows the trick all too well, he still must play by the rule. Can you think of anything more absurd? But nobody in the bar seemed to mind....

Americans think this is the polite way of doing things. They think it is proof of supremacy of law. They think it is politically correct. I wonder what do they then find stupid, irrational and conceited?

The American power structure differs from ours in many ways. Mostly because its historical evolution was totally different. Whereas in Russia tsars annexed territories by force and penetrated them through and through with the stick of their power (it was indeed very similar to rape), American citizens wielded firepower themselves and got self-organized at grassroots. They did it because they had to protect themselves from other — unscrupulous — gentlemen who also carried Colts and showed ruthless greed. Those were the days of the very first elected sheriffs...

Alaska had not been annexed by force but bought by means of a commercial transaction. Therefore, originally it had mostly civilian population and no military of its own. Only when numbers of gold seekers grew beyond proportion and fights for gold fields turned nasty and murderous, did a local power structure begin to take shape. Its build-up was long and slow. Alaska, known simply as a territory belonging to the USA, had to wait until 1959 before it became the 49th state of America.

In Russia, power brokers are somewhere high above all mortals, distributing praise or wrath, and also sources of livelihood. In America, on the contrary, incomes of those in power depend on their peoples' will. From time to time, members of communities get together and vote to decide about local taxes and how much they will pay to their local police, administration, school, etc. Last time they voted, they agreed on a 4% sales tax, one quarter of which was to be spent on schools. The head of the schools' administration is not appointed by the federal ministry either, but elected by a parents' committee, to which he reports. A town's mayor, an elected official, has a purely symbolic salary of $ 70 per month, which makes him a perfect volunteer. To live on, he has his own business. This is also America.

I can bet that there is not a single taxi in any chosen small provincial town in Russia. In Alaska, in a tiny town with 4 000 inhabitants, there are not one but three companies, each having several taxis! The authorities would have never registered a single operator, because the antitrust law says that each commercial activity must be practiced by more than one company. By the way, that's the law with which they got poor Bill Gates.

Any single ride on a taxi in this town costs three dollars. That is for any distance, per person, not per car. A trip to the airport costs five dollars. How come all these companies are not bust in a town where every place is within walking distance and everybody has a car? Well, first, Americans are lazy and hate walking back after a few drinks in a bar (they can't drive, right). Second, they are all budget minded. Sometimes in winter, instead of spending 10 minutes warming up a gasguzzler for a 2 minutes drive, it is cheaper and quicker to pay three bucks for a short ride on a taxi. Calling a taxi is easy, there are special toll free public booths everywhere. You make a call, they thank you very much, and in a couple of minutes your taxi is there. Very comfortable and relaxing, when you think of all the walking you would have had to do in a Russian town.

There are also some problems which are exactly the same, be it in Russia or in America. Like those Natives of Alaska, dead drunk out in the street, early in the morning... In some of the settlements, realizing that full extinction may be the price they will have to pay for drinking so much, Natives have introduced local prohibition. If you are caught drinking in these settlements, or bring alcohol into them, you will go to jail. Very sensible decision indeed, but where can one get a drink, please? The thirsty ones go to non-prohibition towns on drinking tours.

White Americans are not as dirty as drunken Natives, quite the opposite. They are almost paranoid about cleanliness, it's just that they don't know how to dress; what they wear looks like junk, but clean junk. It is also true that they had not always been that way. In a hotel, in one small town in Alaska, one can still see a one hundred years old announcement on a wooden board, offering hot water to clients wishing to wash. It's 15 cents for the first served, and 5 cents for the second user...

In the early 1900s, when first baths were being installed in apartment blocks in Chicago, tenants could not understand why they had to waste so much space for something they would only use once a month...

From a Russian's point of view, local women are dressed plain awful. Feminism must have had too much of an effect on them. To compare, come across the strait on the Russian side. There is this isolated weather monitoring station and only one woman among men, who is not trying to seduce anyone, mind you, and who has not been paid her salary for quite a while. But she has fashionable outfits, she's got make up, and she has a very, very stylish haircut!

Women of the same unfortunate type, well dressed and with decent make up, walk around Anadyr, a half dead Russian town across the water from Alaska, their high heels scratching the gravel in the dirty streets. Their glances are like high velocity bullets flying at you, and who knows, maybe they are the ones who have thus reduced everything to ruin around there.

Any traveller in America will inevitably be surprised and unnerved on quite a few occasions. Why do Americans stick to their own silly traffic signs instead of switching to international standards? Why do they use miles, feet, pounds and bloody Fahrenheit degrees? What exactly did Mr Fahrenheit have in mind when he figured that water freezes at 32 and boils at

212 degrees?

But the biggest American annoyance is the mains' plug in. Sure, they must have introduced electricity long before we even knew it existed, so they did not need much power then, 110 V was probably enough. Which is not really a nuisance in itself, since even my old russian made shaver can switch from 220 to 127. The real bastard is the local plug which looks like a fork with two flat teeth, set close to each other, and is totally different from the one generally used in the rest of the world. So how does one shave?

Listen carefully, that's vintage Russian ingenuity. Look for an electrical coffee maker, there is bound to be one in your room, if you are staying in an American hotel and there is an American flag flying high in front of it. O.K., you've found one. Start to plug it in, but not all the way, leave a little room; from above, insert the plug of your Russian made shaver into that space; press the coffee maker's plug hard to keep your shaver's plug in place. Start shaving.

Anton IVANNIKOV